Good morning. Hello. How are you? #1037
Hyperbolicism, Kleenexian, protean youth stubbornness, Idiocracy/Fermi paradox, Arthur C Clarke's one techno-pessimist story, road ecology, FB Marketplace Innovations, AdAge has ghosted me and my book
Good morning. Hello. How are you? All well? It better be. Or else. Just back from dropping Jane off from school. She did not take her medicine this morning. After two catastrophic attempts, each taking hours to accomplish, and testing everyone’s nerves, we have given up. Her stubbornness is stunning, prodigious, vast. I admire it and fear it. Dear god what have we created.
I’ve messaged the doctor and the pharmacist in an endeavor to obtain a version of this medicine that is not an opaque liquid, which I know exists because Emma is on it as well. Hopefully I can get that sorted today. There is apparently a capsule form, and we could dump the capsule contents, but apparently it’s super bitter? God, is that even going to be better? Hopefully. Otherwise, I don’t know, she will just have this cough forever, I guess, and we’ll get detained by some initialized state agency for child welfare “issues.” Or something. God. I shouldn’t even write that. Family horror can turn on a dime in this day and age. I swear we will get this medicine in her. Somehow. Maybe we can get it injectable so I can smash it into her leg or something.
I am listening to Spotify’s “obscure reggae mix” and it is pretty good. I unsurprisingly like the super moody, long, droney dubs, viscerally dislike anything that smacks of English ska. So far I had added albums by Prince Alla, Barrington Levy and Tomofo Aran to my “To Investigate” playlist. I am sprinkling the various playlists I make for you with assorted reggae songs. I apologize in advance. But let’s face it, the Rastafarians were probably right all along and I was just a dumb kid overly influenced by Arthur C Clarke’s misplaced optimism in technology. Probably shoulda heeded his warnings in “The Nine Billion Names of God” that was probably his most prescient story. I thought it was so funny when computers brought about the end of the world in that book, I laughed at the apocalypse cuz I was a dumb sheltered kid and didn’t realize we are always on the brink of the apocalypse.
Also has anyone explicitly tied the fake news, disinformation and malevolence of the internet to the answer to Fermi’s Paradox? Because it seems to be, at this point, the most logical explanation: sort of a Idiocracy meets Don’t Look Up meets Wall-E where a species inevitably invents the internet and becomes so idiotic it can’t actually make it to space.
Or, I suppose, conversely, becomes so wise it realizes space is a waste of time. Actually, yeah: either way you look at it, the internet is probably the answer to Fermi’s paradox, huh.
Hrm from reggae to idiocracy as the answer to Fermi’s paradox in a hundred or so words. I might have some issues.
I was thinking about social media last night, actually, let me see if I can make this make sense. I am trying to wean myself, which is probably good. And I am becoming more and more intolerant of clickbait headlines. But I still check the news relentlessly. But now I just look at the headlines and move on, because I can’t deal with their hyperbolicism.1 And this is probably healthy! Except! I kind of miss when I used to read some article on the internet that would introduce me to some new concept I didn’t know anything about — maybe basic income or neem oil or graphene or a musician — and then I would go learn more about that. It would open my mind. Or course, there was lots of faux outrage and blood boiling and all the bad stuff that the internet gives you as well, but I do miss that one thing. So now I just sort of mindlessly scroll news sites and I don’t even read anything, and I don’t get anything bad but also I don’t get anything good and it’s like my efforts to wean myself from this bad thing are actually having a negative impact along with, one assumes, the positive one.
Anyway I miss being exposed to some new idea and getting really excited about it.
Though somehow, through all of this, I bought a book on a lark after I saw a headline or Tweet (in the Kleenexian generic sense)2 or something in the last few months and I just started reading it and it is gloriously eye opening and pedantic and world-expanding and I love it so much and here it is:
What a great book. I mean, is it depressing? Sure. But it is also revelatory and has some hopeful and fun parts and it’s all just so fascinating. A+. Giant fan. Thank you, Ben Goldfarb. I don’t know what Eager is but it is definitely getting a fair hearing from Rick’s Mental Reading Board.
Holy shit Eager is about Beavers. YES. Ben Goldfarb is my new hero.
Speaking of books, I got $43 in book royalties this month. Given you get, like, $4-5 a book that’s about ten books sold. That does not include Agency because AdAge has completely abandoned me, doesn’t give me royalty statements, won’t answer my emails that endeavor to return the rights to me so I can deliver to you all the audio book I know you want. I am somewhat pissed about it, spent about two months this year hounding everyone there — even to the point that when AdAge would interview me about my day job, I would ask the reporters to go find someone to get me my book back which is so wildly unprofessional, but it didn’t work anyway, though they tried, bless their hearts.
Wow I just said “bless their hearts.” I am turning into a southerner, quelle horreur. I am the only person in the family, now, not to use “y’all” conversationally. Jane is using it. This is somewhat cool and eye opening. I do not think I have personally earned it, but it is imminent. Maybe if we pass this re-zoning review next month, or maybe once the boat storage facility is open, I will feel legit. We shall see.
Oh here’s a thing I do like about the internet:3 This new thing on Facebook where they show you your friend’s Facebook Marketplace listings, even though they are far away from you. My god I am so into it. It is so gloriously voyeuristic, it has shades of the original Newsfeed introduction where suddenly everyone could see when you started dating or breaking up with someone. It is transgressive and weird and just so great. I want to buy all your shit. I want to buy your dad’s bandsaw and your trailers and your synthesizer flight cases and your dock kits I just want it all my friends have the best shit for sale it really is sad it’s all so far away. Glorious, privacy-invading, unhealthy feature than I am absolutely here for because I keep falling for this shit. Thank you, Facebook. Whomever invented that feature, give them a raise and Adam Mossari’s job.
And whoever put that horrible dystopian feature in where they are showing Threads posts in Instagram, fire them. Especially if it’s Zuck.
God, wouldn’t that be hilarious? I wonder what would happen if Zuck just quit or got fired. I wonder if he ever thinks about it. Just walking away
What do we think of the footnotes? yay? nay? Less intrusive and annoying than my long parenthetical assides? I can’t decide. I used to love footnotes, Dave Eggers and Might Magazine and McSweeney’s holding sway over my editorial predilections.4 But i think maybe I’ve gotten them out of my system? And they don’t translate well to Facebook. But then who wants to let Facebook be the deciding factor? Also don’t love the kerning on Substack’s footnote implementation. Little bit too much space between the period and the footnote.
All right whelp that’s everything from my GMHHAY notes for the last 24 hours. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter. Gonna go do some work now. Maybe work on the investment deck. If you would like to invest $5 million in a scrappy, idealistic adtech company, please drop a line, you won’t be disappointed.
Here’s a world mix for you and it doesn’t even have any reggae on it this was all from before this new interest. It’s a pretty great mix give it a shot. Months in the making, this one.
Internet seems torn about whether hyperbolicism is a word which is, I suppose, evidence of how much the internet sucks
My god Kleenexian is such a good word.
In addition to, you know, keeping me sane by giving me a forum to write long, rambling newsletters to my far-flung friends and feeling an emotional connection with them thank you, I love you all, you’re the best
My god that masthead where he went through all the finances of getting McSweeney’s printed in Iceland? Majestic.
i adore the facebook listings from friends especially when it’s someone i’m not “friends” with but went to school with decades ago. it really is a thrill. just the other day a high school classmate posted a modern looking chandelier for sale and i wondered what light fixture was going to replace it...
i enjoy the footnotes but have been reading them at the end and scrolling back up to contextualize. maybe i’ll read them in the proper way tomorrow ;)