Good morning. Hello. How are you? #926
Tik Tok Taylor Tissue, Walmart run, Jane sick, rednecks really love Lightnings, sick daughter.
Good morning. Hello. How are you? Happy Friday. Sorry I’m late. Just back from the recycling-center Walmart run, surprise surprise.
Not too much to report. The trans worker at McDonald’s keeps calling me sir. Two hispanic rednecks, one with a giant mustache and a giant white cowboy hat looked my Lightning up and down like it was a woman, and looked me in the eye and nodded solemnly. Don’t believe a single article you read about America not wanting electric vehicles. I swear to god this really happened. I know I sound like Paul Graham telling you about something his kids said, but it’s true. It’s true! I don’t know why you’re doubting me.
I may have imagined the size of the mustache. It might have been normal-sized.
There was a table at the recycling center in the free section that looked a whole lot like a vintage tabletop arcade chassis and I thought to myself “man, if Ricardo threw my vintage Crystal Castles machine into the recycling center instead of delivering it to the vintage arcade guy as agreed, there is gonna be words.” But it was not my Crystal Castles machine, it wasn’t even a video game chassis, it was some weird incredibly reinforced table that looked like a sewing machine table but I swear to god it could have held 500 pounds. No idea.
Walmart was a bust in large part this morning. Didn’t have both my flours, didn’t have Bud Zero in bottles, didn’t have Santina’s Yellow Corn chips or my brand (my brand!) of almonds. It was rough.
But I did discover the world of ultra-high-lumen LED lightbulbs and I am very excited. Five bucks, four thousand lumens. They are going in the garage in the new place. It is going to be so bright. Blindingly bright. I am so excited.
Also the Walmart Radio guy was introduced by a recorded tag that said he is (used to be? I think is.) in a Billie Eilish cover band called Billie Eilish ish. So that is pretty cool. Walmart radio announcers, they’re just like us. Then I went into a really long daydream about how he always knows what store the caller is at when they say “I’m at store #1945” (an actual store number today) and I wondered whether he has some quick lookup database. Of course he doesn’t, the whole thing is pre-recorded, someone looks it up for him, etc. etc. but then I thought about how they would actually make this quick lookup database. Would they run a Cron job? Just do a one-time export and hope that no one calls in from a new store? Did they factor this into their complex math when they (presumably) decided on founding Walmart radio instead of paying Muzak? Do they have a savant with all the store numbers memorized? That’s my favorite theory. This 60 year old woman in the corner, chain smoking, barking out store locations whenever anyone says a four digit code.
My Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) arrived yesterday, so I did my once-an-album-except-i-only-started-with-red TikTok unboxing and investigation into the tissue paper stars. You’ll never believe what we found in our investigation. Click here.
I posted it at about, oh, Ima gonna say 7:30 last night. Right now it has 1,079 views, my lowest view count so far in this series, my only series, the only thing I will ever use TikTok for because China needs to know about this. But also, that is amazing. TikTok, man. 1,079 views. I have (checks profile) 61 followers on TikTok. I have 10,000 on Twitter and this would maybe get one like, maybe ten views. Even the new platforms — I posted it to Bluesky and Threads, maybe 1-2 likes on Threads, nada on Bluesky. TikTok is the ultimate dopamine injector. None of these other platforms even come close. It really is something.
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Strike! Strike strike! Strike! SAG ATRA joining the writers on strike! First time the actors have striked since the 80’s? Is striked a word? Yes, right? The past tense of “strike” as in a labor action is, I believe, “striked,” not “stricken.” But Apple spell check does not seem to agree with me. Apple is anti-labor! Strike! Everyone strike!
The directors settled, those chickens. It would have been awesome if all three groups striked. Everyone in Hollywood strike! I am all for this. I bought a WGA on Strike shirt the other day in a show of support you should too.
The cast of Oppenheimer was sitting in the world premiere of the movie when the strike was called and they got up and walked out. Fantastic. No actors can do any promo, talk shows, anything now. This is gonna rule. Strike!
It really is something that virtually every person who runs Hollywood observed this bullshit, fleeting era of AI hype and all thought the same thing: “let’s fuck our actors and writers over and use AI to make movies.” And it wasn’t only their first thought, a passing thought, they doubled-down on it, they decided to make it the hill they die on. When no one wants this. Aside from maybe watching one as a curiosity, no one is dying to watch computer generated drama or comedy as a habit. It is dumb. And I’m sorry, 100x salary of your workers is just fucking insane and wrong. I cannot imagine. I don't even make 2x the average salary of my employees and that feels a bit much. These people need to go away. I will happy run 20th Century Fox for 2x the average salary of an actor or writer. Gimme a call, Hollywood.
Strike!
UPS might strike too, all for it over here. Force me to stop using Amazon so much.
Strike!
Today’s the last day of Jane’s art camp. There’s supposed to be an art peer review for these five year olds at the end of the week which is just freakin hilarious but also real artists need to learn about peer review at a young age I guess. Parents are allowed to come, but they are very adamant on the sign this is about peer review and we just need to sit in the back and shut up. Also there is a super goth teen working there, but she was wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt what’s up with that except I remember when I was a young goth teen I kinda thought the Grateful Dead were one of us so to speak. so who knows.
But then who knows if she’s even going today because Jane seems to have gotten sick, a cold, from her art camp, surprise surprise, l’enfer c’est les autres. Now I don't want to send her to kindergarten anymore, and I’m worried she is gonna connect the dots on all of this and also not want to go to kindergarten anymore, which I guess if we don’t want her to go maybe that’s fine but also maybe we’ll get over and and want her to go but she won’t want to oh god this whole nightmare world of humans getting each other sick what is up with it how does society ever advance.
Got a synth pop playlist for you today it is just dandy and frothy and bubbly and perky and uplifting and it will snap you right out of your funk I promise. All new. Shiny and chrome. You are awaited in Valhalla. Live, die, live again. Who broke the world.
Okay well enjoy your weekend I will do my best to enjoy mine. Gotta change some locks, assemble a miter saw and stand, change some lightbulbs, assemble a table, maybe do some brush cutting like good ole George Dubya, if the weather cooperates.