Good morning. Hello. How are you? #658
Probably a smidge too grumpy, if I am being honest, but only a very small amount about Johnny and Amber at least.
Good morning. Hello. How are you? I am good. I am tired. This house is loud. It’s loud enough, what with its creaky stairs and hundred year-old bullshit. But on top of that, there is constant road work right outside the door, every day, starting at 7AM. I’m not gonna lie, I was gonna sleep in today and not write to you guys. But what’s the point of sleeping in when there is a jackhammer outside your door. It has been like this for, like, four days now (they blissfully take the weekends off). We are paying something like $400 a night for this BS. Airbnb is awful I don’t know how anyone can deal with this.
Neither Airbnb had a fucking vacuum, so after a week you’re walking around on baby crumbs trying to find a broom so you can sweep (one of them didn’t even have a broom). This house advertised a lovely back yard, and, given the existence of a thing called COVID and our desire to not get it, we thought that a nice back yard might be useful. Only when we got here, half the yard was filled with overflowing trash cans and trash bags strewn about, because no one has taken out the trash at this house in weeks. It is very clear the only way the trash was ever going to get taken out is if the turnover between guests happened to occur on trash day and then the “management company” would take it out. There does not seem to be an owner involved in any way. Well, last night was trash day and no one was going to take it out so we decided that for $400 a night you get the fun experience of picking up previous guests’ trash off the ground and taking it to the curb so you could eventually take out your own trash, and Emma and I lugged out three cans at midnight. Fun times.
It’s stunning to me that Airbnb gets away with this, but of course, why wouldn’t they? Location is king and there isn’t a hotel for miles (well, okay, in-city Boston miles, maybe a mile, maybe two) from where we want to stay. You’d think they would at least, oh, I don’t know, make an actual standard of what “dedicated work space” means, require the trash to be taken out or, like, provide a list of basic items-for-living that a house needs. Like a cheap push vacuum. I swear to god I am going to start bringing Roombas to Airbnbs. Or a cheese grater. No Airbnb in America, I swear to god, has a cheese grater. Like half the supposed benefit of Airbnb is that you are in a place with a kitchen, but every Airbnb kitchen is stocked like a college freshman stocked it with their parents leftovers and their dishwashing job money.
Also this whole house is weirdly built four inches too high. Like from the very front stoop, there is an extra half-step up. All the steps have two bricks, but then the last one is one brick, so, you know, you trip. And then the whole house is like that. The stairs to the second floor? One half step extra. The stairs to the basement? One half step extra. For what possible reason does does this exist other than to maim and kill guests.
I am sorry, I will stop. I might miss my house. Why can’t my house and friends be near each other.
I now present to you:
A list of mnemonics Rick uses to help memorize all the countries’ location on maps
by Rick Webb
Europe
RBG - Romania, Bulgaria, Greece. Ruth Bader Ginsbers
MAG - Macedonia, Albania Greece. Like a dirt bike.
Croatia is shaped like a C
Finlandization means Finland is the one next to Russia
There used to be an Austro-Hungarian Empire, so Austria and Hungary are next to each other
Slovakia is next to Czech Republic cuz they used to be Czechoslovakia
Macedonia is next to Greece because Philip of Macedon, aka Alexander the Great’s dad, was Greek. But Macedonian.
Kosovo is the sad little one that always gets beat up by its bigger neighbors Serbia and BH in the Balkans
Africa
So Like I Give Two Bucks - Sierra Leone, Liberia, Ivory Coast, Ghana, Togo, Benin
The two Z countries (Zambia and Zimbabwe) are in Alphabetical order going down
Democratic Republic of Congo is the big one in the middle because they are lying and Democracy is losing. The non-Democratic Republic of Congo is the small one. Though they are barely any more Democratic.
The Gambia’s the little river one
South America
Give Some Fucks - Guyana, Surniame, French Guiana
Carribbean
PUB - Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands, British Virgin Islands
AAS (close to ASS but not quite) - Anguilla, Antigua/Barbuta, St Kitts/Nevis
Martin Gore Depeche Mode - Montserrate, Guadalupe, Dominica, Martinique
The Saints (Kitts, Lucia, Vincent/Grenadines) are in Alphabetical order North to South, though not next to each other
Grenada’s the last one on the long vertical line because of course the place America invades is the furthest away because we suck
Asia
Ks above Ts in the Stans
Turkmenistan is the big one across from Turkey that kinda looks like Turkey
The Ks are alphabetical north to south (Kazachstan above Kyrgastan)
The Turks are reverse alphabetical east to west (Turkmenistan before Tajikistan)
Uzbekistan is the other one
Armenia is next to Turkey which is why the Turks always fuck with them
Georgia is by Russia and Turkey because Georgian war
Bhutan is the small one of the two
Most of the rest of Asia was brute force memorization.
Moving on.
Thank you for your input on EVs. I forgot the ID4 it looks okay but its frunk is garbage man I want a frunk so fast. BMW seems vaporware. I don’t like Porsche and will probably never be a Porsche owner. Someone sent me the link to a UK company called Charge that makes an EV on an old Mustang body and I want one so bad and someday I’ll import one but they are, alas, not the practical-ish car I am looking for now. But man, that is a pretty car.
It is 360 miles between Fairbanks and Anchorage, Alaska. When I was a kid, we always stopped halfway, at the Igloos in Cantwell, Jack River Inn, for gas and a snack. When I got older, we had more fuel efficient cars, and we did not stop at all. You could go from Fairbanks to Anchorage without refilling my amazing 1985 Honda Accord. It’s always been my guideline to a decent charge on an EV, even though of course in the winter the batteries wouldn’t get full range and you’d not make it, but in my head, stopping every five, six hours seems reasonable. Seventy times five is 350. Seventy times six is 420, dude. All the cars seem a little low. Mach-E and the evil Teslas seem to be the only ones close.
Someone sent me an Instagram story to watch yesterday, and it was a mildly disturbing but very sexy yoga video so I didn’t mind watching the whole thing, but my god what is the deal with Instagram Stories not having a scroll bar, a timer, anything? Like the thing just went on and on and I'm like “well my friend Jen sent me this so I gotta watch the whole thing now and I have no idea how much of my time this is going to take up.” At least Tik Tok has a timer so you know what you’re getting into, but you can’t scroll through these things, you can’t speed them up, it is intolerable. You can swipe to the next one, unless someone sent you a link to this one and you have to watch it. How does anyone live like this. Why on earth are we acting like the Tik Tok generation has any sort of validity when it is obvious their brains are fried because they can’t even watch something at 1.25x or skip ten seconds it is so, so bad. You should all stop watching Tik Tok videos in protest until they are skimmable.
Also I just went to Tik Tok dot Com on a computer browser like an old person and it was just video after video of hot girls dancing which you know, who minds seeing, but also, can we just acknowledge how much Tik Tok, more than any other “mainstream” platform ever, is 100% fueling its growth with boobs and butts? God, the media would not let up about Tumblr having porn but at least you had to, you know, log in and spend two seconds looking for it hashtag I am old. I mean I want to feel like the sexy pictures I am finding on the internet are illicit still I don’t need them shoved in my face, constantly and I am looking at you, Instagram Reels suggestions that have never, once, included anything other than sexy ladies.
Speaking of Tik Tok that Amber Heard Jonny Depp jury are a bunch of losers like yes, ha ha, “they both lost” and you guys got to get together and do some quality BS moralizing, but as a verdict they are both batshit insane, especially the verdict finding Amber guilty of defamation when she didn’t even use his name. Everyone is so busy going “oh this case is such a bad look for all of humanity” but you know what else? It is a terrible fucking look for the law and jury trials when a jury obviously can’t get a basic fact right. Like these two people both obviously did awful things to each other and are both mostly awful but what the hell? Suddenly we can’t tell the story of our lives, even while protecting the identity of other people? How is anyone, ever, supposed to write an autobiography? This is insane and 100% needs to be appealed but I seriously doubt that’s in the cards.
Republicans going on about eroding free speech because people are trying to talk about sexuality, meanwhile batshit rulings like this one and the Gawker one actually limit free speech in uncharted, crazy-ass and manifestly unconstitutional new ways and Republicans cheer. So now news sites can’t report on famous people, and we can’t say “I was hurt once” without fear of getting sued. That is 100% fucked up.
Oh and so is the fact that “innocence is not enough” to keep you from, you know, getting convicted and killed by the state.
This place sucks.
Dave Smith died, and that combined with episode 3 of Obi Wan Kenobi dropping meant that I thought it best to go see Sean in the park and chat after he had Freezepop practice to commiserate and consult. It is very nice to be near friends and now they are sad because one of their lifetime idols passed and be nearby and be able to go comfort them in person. Tonight I get to see Jess for the first time since Mike Gill passed, and that is good as well. Humans need friends in times of sadness.
I did get to listen to a bunch of new music yesterday and the new Porridge Radio is amazing, the new !!! is really good, the new Harry Styles was kinda boring I don’t know why everyone is freaking out about it, the new Wilco was far better than I thought it would be but also a little boring, the new Bruce Hornsby wasn’t as good as the last two but still a lot better than you are expecting a Bruce Hornsby record to be and the new Lykke Li is shockingly sad. Got some oldies on this mix too, thought of that awesome Jon Stewart song a couple days ago, great song, great musician, even if you can’t escape the sense he turned into a Republican. And I have a soft spot for later-era Concrete Blonde. And that Fairbanks, Alaska song came on recently and actually made me miss home a bit I’m not gonna lie I really do want to go up there with Janey this summer but here it is fucking June and still no word on vax for under 5 year-olds. WTF. Oh and Fiona Apple and Creatures because the majestic new Porridge Radio reminds me a bit of both. Man they need a better band name.
Spotify keeps slowly degrading into distortion on this underpowered M1 Macbook Air (god it is a garbage computer why did I fall for this) and it is absurd but also sounds kind of awesome, most music does, in fact, sound better with a layer of distortion, The Jesus and Mary Chain were right with Psychocandy.
Okay well I have a thing tomorrow night and I am off Friday so I might not write a GMHHAY on Friday, pull a Matt Levine here and just take off the weekend, I don’t know how that guy gets away with it does he also have a whole other job on top of writing a daily newsletter? I mean, cmon. But maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. Or Monday. Or maybe even, like, not at all till late next week because I am off till Wednesday at this point. Wow I could just.. not write. That… is a terrifying thought put it out of your head right now, Rick.