Good morning. Hello. How are you? #1123
Exposing the Sterilite conspiracy, KMFDM, old man grumbling about ticket prices, an amazing Dolly Parton story you definitely haven't heard. The single greatest shopping cart ever.
Good morning. Ish. It’s still morning. It is 11:30. I made it. Look. Did I stay out too late? Yes. Did I get up in time to get Jane to school? Sort of. Did Emma wake up already, assuming I wasn’t gonna get up? Yes. Am I in the doghouse? Yes. Was it worth it? Mostly. Emma and I discussed our differences like adults, and used communication. It seems that my wife would prefer I pre-announce my drunken shenanigans, rather than not. This seems reasonable. Not my style, but I can compromise, because that is what adults do. Mostly, though, I learned, once again, the best approach is to say “sorry” a lot and look contrite.
Just obtained tickets for all four days of Merge 35 so if you wanna go one day let me know. So far we got Mary Timony, Redd Kross (!!), Fucked Up, A Giant Dog, Destroyer, Superchunk, Titus Andronicus, Torrres, Lambchop (!), Wye Oak, Eric Bachmann, The Clientele and much more. Come. I need company.
Look. Was the Air Moon Safari tour good? Yes, yes it was. I distinctly remember leaving that show and saying “damn. That was a real good show.” But the thing I think needs factoring in is the fact that the show cost fourteen dollars. I have experienced a bit of push back on this fact in the last 24 hours when discussing this point, and I will concede the show may have been eighteen dollars. I will go to bat for the show 100% absolutely not being over twenty dollars.
The important point here is that the Air French Band Moon Safari Tour show at Venus De Milo was not three hundred dollars. The show was absolutely worth $14 or $18 or $20. It may well have been worth.. ima gonna say $50.
But it was not worth three hundred dollars.
This shit is getting out of hand.
I worry constantly that I am getting old and I do not go to shows because I am getting old. But you know what? I know this to not be the case because last night I went to see German industrial band KMFDM and California garage metal band Morlocks and it was thirty eight dollars which is still too much money but at least just eye rollingly too much money not, like, absolute highway robbery too much money. And the show was just great. Sure, they could have used a bass player. Pro tip: if you are a synth band pretending to be a live band, live drums are obviously your first move and yes, live guitar is obviously your second move. But at that point, in for a penny, in for a pound, may as well get a bass player. It will add to the illusion, and anyone can play bass, so just pick someone you don’t mind being stuck in a car with, preferably that can pay their own way or lives in the country in which you are touring.
ALSO: if you are going to have a shirt at the merch booth that says KMFDM MORE AND FASTER, then fucking play “More and Faster.” Thank you for playing “Virus” mid set, and your new stuff is great, but I would have loved to hear “Godlike” and “More and Faster.” Also KMFDM has lost a little bit of their multi-ethnic tinge of “black man white man yellow man rip the system” and now they are pretty much just straight industrial metal with an awesome light show but also industrial metal with an awesome light show is pretty awesome. No more En Esch I wonder what that guy is up to. Also that woman in the band was 100% not born when KMFDM were originally founded in 1984 —
Holy shit, I stand corrected, that woman is two years older than me. Shit. Wanna age gracefully? Join a German industrial band, she looked great.
Anyway, got up in time to drive Jane to school, but not in time to feed and clothe her and Emma was up and they were having breakfast by the time I got through my I swear it was only two snoozes but turned out to be an hour.
Then I went to Walmart and oh shit do I have things to tell you about Walmart.
The remodel is in full swing. Row G8 is not currently between row G7 and G10 but rather about 15 yards away in front of the pharmacy. Good luck finding the kids probiotic gummies for your kid who’s had a stomach ache for a month.
I had the single most perfect shopping cart I have ever had. It glided. It was amazing. I want that shopping cart every time. I should have tagged it with masking tape or something. Never in my life have I experienced a shopping cart like that. My god. I will have dreams about it forever. I am ruined for all other shopping carts forever. I did not know this was a feeling a human can have but I swear it is messing me up.
In the remodel they have shortened the aisle containing all the Sterilite bins and I swear they were targeting me personally because all three of the bins I use in my workshop and greenhouse organization are no longer there and all three of these bins I have chosen specifically because they were easily obtainiable at WalMart.
Have you ever stopped to consider what a racket the company Sterilite is? They are fucking diabolical. You get into a specific bin and they will 100% stop making that bin, thus driving you crazy because your bins don’t match, and then forcing you to buy all new bins. They are as much a fashion- and seasonal- driven business as Prada or H&M.
Sterilite, man. Were I Bill Ackman, that is the battle I would wage. I would fucking take down Sterilite and turn it into a commodity that doesn’t change its SKUs. A real American brand like Prid. That shit don’t change. Exactly the same for 50 years. Like Carmex.
Anyway, great night out. After the show — well, mid-show, we were never gonna make it to the end (where they did, in fact, play “Godlike”) — we went to a bar down the street that is “new” (two year old) and I met a dude who works for Heiserman microphones which is apparently in Carrboro — they design, manufacture, and ship the things out of Carrboro and he is gonna hook me up in the studio and I am so excited and I am going to tell you a story he told me last night that is not public yet so I am breaking pro audio news here but it’s worth it:
Heiserman got ahold of an original Telefunken mic — I think the 251. Anyway, this was Dolly Parton’s 251. Like the one used on “I will always love you” and shit. Absolutely legendary mic. And they are basing their new Heiserman 251 on this specific Telefunken 251.
And they were just in Nashville at a trade show introducing it and were doing a studio showing and get this shit: Dolly Parton showed up, tried the mic, and without knowing the lineage she said “wow this sounds exactly like this old mic I had and loved.”
HOW CRAZY IS THAT.
That woman is endlessly amazing.
New music Friday and there is a new Nick Cave and Spotify Release Radar” is like “nah you don’t need to know about a new song from an artist you’ve listened to for forty years here is The Kill Devel Hills, Casual Blood Service and Washing Machina.” With an A at the end. Machina. Washing Machina. Are these real bands? What is this world.
Do we think this Kim Gordon tour is going to be worth it?
OH also: what drug do you think construction workers should use if they are gonna be druggies? Ricardo says coke. I say pot: they should get slower and more detailed oriented.
This does not seem to be the reality of the situation though.
One last question before I go. Levi and I were chatting outside the show talking about how sometime in the mid- to late- nineties, the mosh pit changed and got more violent. I think this is conventional wisdom BUT I said: “I think since then the code of the pit has made a comeback and mosh pits are more congenial now.”
Anyone been in a pit lately? Did I make that up or is their a grain of truth to it?
OKAY over and out love you all I am gonna have a great weekend starting with JANE BEDTIME. I hope you have a great weekend too.
Today’s Media of the Day is KMFDM natch. Gotta listen to the song I didn’t have the energy to stay out for:
What a great edition of GMHHAY you are welcome. Or am I just still drunk? Who can say! Have a weekend! Love you!
Construction workers should be doing meth, but JUST ENOUGH.